Workplace Grief

Introduction

Abandonment is intensified by the fact that we are living in a death-denying society. With the current focus on health and fitness, the subject of death is not popular. Americans may go to great lengths to protect themselves from the realities of death. Becker (1973) states:

The idea of death, the fear of it haunts the human animal like nothing else; it is a mainspring of human activity--activity designed largely to avoid the fatality of death, to overcome it by denying in some way that it is the final destiny for man. (p. ix)

Consequently, children are often sheltered from grief by not being allowed to participate in funerals and services for the dead, further perpetuating the denial that death is a normal and natural part of the life cycle.

An acceptance of death as a natural order of life can change one dramatically. Frances Vaughan (1986) comments:

In addition to coping with the uncertainties of everyday life, the existential self is plagued by the terror of extinction. Trying not to think about death can mask fear, but does not make it disappear. In order to escape the crippling effects of fear on the mind, death must eventually be accepted.

How clearly one thinks about it, and what one believes about it, are choices. If one chooses to avoid it, there is a price to pay. When one tries to ignore it, it lurks in disguise behind every shadow in the mind and every symptom in the body. When one decides to come to terms with it, one can more easily bring healing awareness to every aspect of experience, and thus reduce the defensive distortion of repression, projection, and denial. (p. 67)

Kübler-Ross (1969) in her research on death and dying comments:

When we look back in time and study old cultures and people, we are impressed that death has always been distasteful to man and will probably always be. From a psychiatrist's point of view this is very understandable and can perhaps best be explained by our basic knowledge that, in our unconscious, death is never possible in regard to ourselves. It is inconceivable for our unconscious to imagine an actual ending of our own life here on earth, and if this life of ours has to end, the ending is always attributed to a malicious intervention from the outside by someone else. In simple terms, in our unconscious mind we can only be killed; it is inconceivable to die of a natural cause or of old age. Therefore death in itself is associated with a bad act, a frightening happening, something that in itself calls for retribution and punishment. (p. 2)

When loved ones die we often speak of them as "passing on," "passing away," "resting in peace" or "sleeping." In funeral homes, rooms for the dead are often referred to as "slumber" rooms. If those in the business of working with the deceased have a difficult time addressing death, is it not surprising that society in general would?

The consequences of such denial for those grieving may be profound--especially, as noted, for the bereaved parent for whom grief is felt very differently. At a time when they most need comfort and support, they are instead often met with meaningless phrases such as, "Keep a stiff upper lip," "be strong," "it was God's will," "thank goodness you have other children," and "you are young and you can have other children." Donnelly (1982) believes that contrary to our social myths, bereaved parents desperately want to talk about their pain. Silence is their worst enemy.

For the bereaved parent, lack of overall group support, of cohesiveness at this most difficult time, can add an extra emotional burden. The atmosphere within an organization affects the attitudes and behavior of employees. In the opinion of Ivancevich and Matteson (1979) organizations have a climate that generates a "feel" or personality. They believe this personality, like individual personalities, does not fall neatly into a particular category. Instead, the personality or climate appears to affect the behavior of individuals and groups as well as the way organizations interact with each other.