Workplace Grief

CHAPTER TWELVE

At the transportation company where she worked, a person incapable of performing on the job due to emotional reasons was often sent by the manager to the Employee Assistance Program.

. . . because then it becomes an issue of inability to work and perhaps public safety, etc. And it may be clear to understand with a pilot, if a pilot is --has this tremendous responsibility and he's not able to return to the cockpit and there's a real issue of public safety, the company is going to go all-out and try to accommodate this person on sick leave in order to help them restore their function, their ability to function.

Those with hazardous occupations or jobs of higher responsibility did not necessarily find work to be an affirmation of their competence. As previously mentioned, Nancy's husband, unlike Nancy, was not coping well with the demands of work. He had requested and was granted flexible time after his daughter's death. However, the policy was not fully implemented. Often he was called back to work when needed by his bosses. Nancy mentioned that her husband, an architect, and currently an administrator for a construction project, was overloaded, depressed and unable to concentrate.

It's not the same with a man who's grieving or going through--you know, they kind of expect that he should be over it, or else they just don't think about it any more. Because people where I am, they still kind of protect me and I know that they're really careful--very considerate of me and they are still aware that I have a lot I'm going through.

Henry was the only subject who actually experienced an on-the-job accident after his return to work. A direct relationship to his grieving process was not clear, and in fact, was denied by Henry. Nevertheless, any employer faced with a bereaved employee working in a hazardous occupation should be aware of the distraction and reduced ability to concentrate that grief brings. Though none of the subjects held senior management positions, employers would likewise want to take special care in situations where individuals making decisions with great bottom-line impact are undergoing the bereavement process.

EAP counselors agreed that the greatest difficulty may come from bereaved employees not understanding and acknowledging their feelings. This, combined with the denial of death by co-workers not knowing how to support the bereaved employee, could unnecessarily compound the grief. This inability to cope with death on the part of the bereaved, as well as others, was addressed by another counselor from the transportation company. He believed that the way bereavement was handled in the workplace was representative of our societal point of view. Americans do not handle death well. Work identity and work relationships were also key factors which needed to be properly investigated, he believed.

Greif and the Co-Worker

As previously discussed, proper support from co- workers was a critical element for a positive reentry by the grieving parent. Co-worker reaction was a concern for three of the subjects after the death of their child.

Bonnie found it difficult to return to work because her co-workers did not know how to express their grief and concern other than saying, "I'm glad you're back," or, "Hi." She noticed co-workers were evasive and uncomfortable when around her. By the three month interview she observed that they were less uncomfortable and she was then able to be more relaxed herself, finding the routine of work to be positive. However, Bonnie felt uncomfortable sharing her emotions with her co-workers and would try to act normal around them, often masking her grief and even appearing cheerful at times.

By the six month interview, Bonnie found acting normal to be unbearable. She expressed a wish that people would show their feelings more by saying a few words of support. She was tired of the facade and felt trapped. As mentioned previously, should she have expressed her feelings of depression and sadness, her co-workers would have been uncomfortable.

Henry also found acting normal at work to be difficult. He looked forward to returning to work after the death of his daughter as a way to keep busy and escape the sorrow. While work was helpful for those reasons, interacting with his co-workers was more difficult. Like Bonnie, acting normal compounded his grief and isolated him more at work. Henry stated at one month:

So I try to cover up my feelings and sometimes it's just--it just backfires. I try to, you know, look happy or talk happy, but in my mind, the more I try to do that, the more it upsets myself because I really don't feel like I want to talk happy. I want to be happy, but it's--they have their things to do and I can't just let my problems interfere with work or relationships with other people. So that's a little, I guess, difficulty I've been having at work.