Workplace Grief

CHAPTER FIVE

The hierarchy at work apparently created an extra stressor to interaction during the grieving process. Howard did not feel comfortable with his boss and asked me not to interview him. When Howard called his workplace after the death, he did not tell his boss that it was his baby who had died. Consequently, his boss was completely unaware of the death until told by Bagan. Bagan stated that the boss had expressed deep sorrow after hearing that it was Howard's baby who had died. Once aware, he gave Howard as much time off as necessary and asked Howard several times how he felt. Howard, however, never confided in his superior, choosing instead to reply that he was fine.

Howard had conflicting feelings about bringing his problems into the workplace, but did not know how to escape them. One of the main difficulties he was having at work was in dealing with his co-workers. When he would try to cover up his feelings, he would only get more upset. At those times when his grief would surface, he would go off by himself until he regained his composure.

To have someone to talk to once a week, Howard asked his company to provide a counselor. The company was instead willing to give him more time off, but Howard wanted to be at work. He desired support in the workplace as opposed to time off. Howard feared that working part-time or not working at all might make him feel more lost or confused. He even expressed concern that drinking to dull the pain might result. Working helped by keeping him busy but hurt by causing him to feel more alone. Working full-time also did not allow him time to go to the cemetery as he would have liked.

The concentration demanded of Howard at work was beneficial because it forced him, to a certain degree, to remove his thoughts from his daughter's death. At the same time, however, his work effectiveness may have been compromised. Although Howard felt that his performance in a rather non-demanding job was not affected, he specifically pointed out that if he were working as an engineer, he would have experienced problems.

In addition, Howard injured his hand on the job within three months after returning to work. Though he felt his grieving was not a factor in the injury, a higher level of concentration might possibly have prevented the accident. Clearly, lessened performance can create stress and problems for both the bereaved parent and the company.

Two major changes occurred during the course of the three interviews. A good opportunity came up for Howard to change apartments and to change jobs. Howard changed both. Howard desired to change apartments and move away from the many reminders of his baby as well as evaluate his life's work and goals. Reprioritizing life goals after the death of a child often occurs.

For Howard the importance of a satisfying and financially rewarding job increased after his baby's death. His chance to work for the post office offered more money and better support for his surviving children, was now more important than ever. It should be noted that in this new work situation he kept his baby's death private. Protective of his grief, he did not want to risk the reaction of others.

He continued to think of the ministry--perhaps not more lucrative, but possibly more meaningful. The internal demands that Howard placed on his job, from a standpoint of personal satisfaction and family support, increased markedly after his child's death.