Workplace Grief

CHAPTER NINE

Summary

At each interview, Natalie had the demeanor of a sad person. Although open and talkative, she spoke softly, sat quietly with little or no body movement and rarely smiled. The cheerful person with a good sense of humor that she described herself as once being was never to be seen. The most animated she became was when sharing her daughter's art work and stories with the author. At that time, she appeared to have a new-found energy and cheerfulness. Clearly, as mentioned in the interviews, sharing memories of her daughter helped her.

When first told of her daughter's condition, Natalie experienced a range of emotions from hope to despair. She found herself regressing to former means of solace such as rocking. Feeling anxious and helpless, she desired to remain as close to her daughter as possible with her husband as comfort.

After her daughter's death, although concerned about seeing her, she felt a great need to touch her and kiss her for the last time. She and her husband reacted quite differently to the death. Natalie observed that she was immediately accepting while, on the other hand, her husband was visibly upset and "taking it very hard." In retrospect, the reason for not initially feeling the devastation, she felt, was that she was incapable of feeling. The shock and numbness often accompanying sudden death was evident in her reaction.

With each interview, the loss for Natalie was becoming greater. In the author's opinion, Natalie's grief will be much more intense in the months following the six month interview. For now, it was evident that Natalie was fighting for her emotional survival by trying to hold on to her daughter by becoming involved at her daughter's school and with her daughter's friends on an individual basis. She was also attempting to fill the deep void left by her daughter by either having another child or taking a teaching position with first graders, as opposed to the middle school.

Initially Natalie had a loss of appetite and problems with sleep. Fatigue remained a problem for her throughout the six months. She seemed able to concentrate but was aware that her heart was no longer in her work. She also initially felt a loss in creativity as well as energy.

Unlike her husband, Natalie was receiving much support in the workplace. The structure and continuity that work provided was a refuge from the grief.She felt supported throughout the six month period and was more concerned about the summer months without her daughter, the structure and the support. Natalie hoped that when she returned in the fall, her loss would not be forgotten by her co-workers.

Each of the four co-workers interviewed were genuinely concerned about Natalie's welfare and offered support. Anne, the Director of Special Education, felt that Natalie looked like a person in pain. She, along with the other co-workers, believed that work offered a structure and routine where Natalie could make a contribution and, at the same time, find a balance to her grief. Each saw the disadvantages of grieving and working as not having enough time alone and feeling more fatigued and drained emotionally, possibly delaying the grief process.

Sue, her co-teacher, observed that the "qualities" Natalie once had were now intensified in her grief, leaving her more vulnerable and sensitive. She observed her as weakened from the grief with less power than before. She remained closely in touch with Natalie's needs, making it clear to her that she could take time off whenever needed.

Joan, who knew Natalie's daughter personally, described grieving intensely and felt a drop in her own performance after the death. She was the only co-worker interviewed who noticed increased tension in the workplace. Her concern was for Natalie to receive professional counseling at some point.

An interesting observation by Marcia was how the family's reaction to the death was influential in the support received by the community. The family's inclusion of others, according to her, reduced the tension and helped the community to help them.

The school district was described by some of those interviewed as being especially caring and compassionate. This was not only with Natalie but with other employees in the past who were in need. Anne felt that one reason for this may be the unusually high proportion of female administrators in this particular district.

By contrast, Natalie's husband was having an increasingly difficult time. Natalie felt he was not supported in the workplace, which increased the pressure for him there. When he tried to take time from work for himself and other projects, his bosses agreed yet did not honor this decision when work had to be done. As a way to cope with his grief, he buried himself in work but was unable to concentrate, and got more upset and depressed.

Natalie experienced a reaction that was similar to her husband's toward the end of the school year. When she went back to a five day work week, her grief increased. Instead of going to the cemetery, grieving and feeling better, she would leave more upset. This effect could also be caused by the passing of time, making the reality of the loss more evident and the void more apparent.

The workplace and attitudes of Natalie's co-workers created a positive environment for her. The silent messages of support--flowers, cookies, candy and hugs-- let her know that she was not alone. The advantages of working within such a support system far outweighed the disadvantages. Such was not the case for her husband. Lack of support had made his work at times unbearable.

Many benefits are realized in a supportive worksetting. Natalie found a continuity with life and felt productive and involved with children.